This may be why I hate going out sometimes…
LADY: Is that a new clutch?
ME: Yes! I just bought it from ___, and love it!
LADY: Yeah, I know someone with the same clutch — she has such tacky taste!
ME: (Um…did this girl just call me tacky?)
JUDGY MOM: So you’re taking the year off of teaching, right?
ME: Yes I am!
JUDGY MOM: You must have SO much time — what do you do all day? It must be nice to just
hang out all day and do nothing…
ME: (Really? REALLY?)
JUDGY LADY: So you’re working out a lot more now right?
JUDGY LADY: Really? I couldn’t really tell…
ME: (Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?)
Has someone ever said something directly to you and you had to think to yourself, “WHAT?” Don’t get me wrong; I’m all about people having the right to express themselves and saying what they please, but does that give them the right to be completely socially inept? Does it give them the right to completely disregard your feelings…as a normal human being? Many times, when I am on the receiving end of an outlandish comment, I wonder if I’m possibly taking it the wrong way or heard it wrong. It’s completely possible that I had a moment of hyper-sensitivity and took the comment too personally. I’m not completely out of the woods here… The thing is when someone else in the room notices the comment and gives you that “wait, did she just….wait, did she just — WOAH!” The most memorable incident I’ve experienced involved my husband. I was caught in the middle of an awkward situation with another person and turned around — only to catch his high eye-brow raised glance. I felt like he expected for me to completely flip a table over it; I felt that I almost had to react just to show him that I wasn’t numb to it. I just calmly poured myself another glass of wine and went on about another conversation as if nothing happened while my insides twitched with major annoyance.
Later that night, he casually brought it up. I, of course exploded and he profoundly said, “why didn’t you just say something back?” While I wanted to gouge his eyes out for bringing up a great point — I thought, why didn’t I come up with a witty comeback? Why didn’t I somehow relieve the awkwardness by one-upping this girl and her viciousness? Why did I just take it and not stick up for myself? Of course I then turn to the usual conclusion I always do — it probably isn’t even worth it OR is it? Here’s the thing — people talk and say what they please…so I should receive what they say in the manner in which I please, right? I can try all I want to just ignore them, but is that giving them “permission” to do this repeatedly? If I speak up, then I’m all of a sudden overly-sensitive or feisty? If I don’t, I’m a pushover.
I’ve decided that there’s no winning. There’s no winning when dealing with completely socially inept people — you just need to know that you’re not the weirdo in the situation. Also…I just don’t have the mental capacity to worry about more drama than my everyday life with two crazy active children. So to that socially inept person roaming around looking for his/her next prey…just shut-up already. No one wants your negativity and “rough around the edges” ways. No one cares if you are always right and have to have the last word. Just back off…because someday I will come up with a witty comeback that seems like a light-hearted joke and life will be good again.
Your Brainy Chick – Komi
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